“Born into the moment” - Deepti G Gujar

"Just meditate. Find your answers there. I don't have your answers", he said and hung up.

It was 2008. My relationship with my family was a mess of unforgiveness, anger, blame, hatred, and rage. I had attended a workshop (Inner Child Work) with Dr. Newton Kondaveti that had brought me face-to-face with my emotional wounding that completely overwhelmed me. I had also quit my job, run away from home, only to realize that I had nowhere else to go. And now, my one support, a friend who I called for solace left me with these words - “Just Meditate.”

I had learned meditation from Brahmarshi Patriji. In that session, he had said: “Through meditation, you can find all your answers.” Yet, after 20 minutes of going back to my breath, I had come out feeling no more special than I had before. So I had dismissed it. That experience, combined with the anger I felt at my friend for my perceived abandonment confirmed my resolve to prove him wrong. I thought, “Let me meditate and show him that it yields no answers.”

Meanwhile, things got worse at home. There was constant verbal assault for having disgraced my parents by running away. The isolation was oppressive. I was racked with nightmares and pained by a sense of personal failure. In addition, there was no teacher, no guide and no hope.

These circumstances combined with my desire to avenge my stand against my friend, made me instinctively reach within myself for support. I dived into anapanasati meditation obsessively.

Even as tears poured down incessantly, I closed my eyes and returned to my breath. When I could not sleep because of the nightmares, I substituted sleep with meditation. I started meditating all day. I would lie down for 2-3 hours and the moment I realized that I was dreaming, I would sit up in a cross-legged position, clasp my hands lightly, touch the tongue to the palette, and start going back to my breath.

Meditation was tough. I wondered if I was doing it right. One hour of meditation felt like an endless battle with my thoughts and emotions. But I remembered Patriji instructions, - “Do not battle with your thoughts. Just go back to your breath. Keep going back to your breath.” I also found solace in Eckhart Tolle’s book, Stillness Speaks. And though I had become an emotional storm I continued my practice.

About 3 months after I started, my world started shifting. I had my first experience of a satori state. I saw myself in everything and everything in me. As though I had become one with Nature. I experienced the vast interconnectedness of everything as Eckhart had described in Stillness Speaks. Insights poured through. Thoughts became lines on water and my personal history did not seem personal anymore. It felt like a mere happening.

Things improved in the outside world as well. In the midst of a recession, I got a well-paying job with a reputed organization, in a city away from home. Many of my colleagues learned meditation from me. Some of them underwent past life regression therapy sessions with me and got positive results.  In the midst of heavy traffic and the chaos of urban life, I felt serene within. I was able to see beauty in everything. I felt no need to pursue happiness. The emotions of the past still came up, but they were seen in silence.

This was the beginning of my exploration into meditation.

Deepti G Gujar

Deepti G Gujar is a talented writer whose writing springs from the depth of her deep spiritual insight. The adage ‘ Healer heal thyself’ can truly be attributed to her. She also works with others using various healing modalities including inner child healing. To know more about her, visit creawithin.com and be sure to check out her latest book on Amazon's website.  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satori

Hyperlinks: 

Creawithin.com/about : http://creawithin.com/about/ 

Inner Child healing: http://creawithin.com/blog/category/inner-child-work-2/ 

amazon’s website: https://www.amazon.com/Transforming-Your-Life-Incredible-Strength-ebook/dp/B07GXYMNM2

Saurabh

Be a Meditator, Editorial Team